Contemplating life

This is a bit of a sore spot for me sometimes only because I think about it nearly everyday. We go about our lives from day to day not thinking that this could very well be my last breath. I know I used to years ago. I would to work, get home, sleep and do it all again the next day never thinking or wondering about what I had done that day. Now most nights I wonder about how I effected somebody else’s life or how I can make an attempt to improve myself and those around me. Well, not fully improve those around me but at least influence them to think in also the same manner I do when it comes to human contact.

A few years ago I lost what I considered a friend that I met while working at Plutós Restaurant. I say considered because there are a lot of people I come in contact with and feel the same way about. I share parts of my life with them and feel comfortable about doing so. I was lucky enough to be invited to a few of his cage fighting matches that he would train for from time to time. He added me to his MySpace and when I was let go from Plutós, I would see him at my current job working graveyards. Him and his at the time wife would come in and greet me like I was part of their family. The thing that will effect me most is that his family doesn’t know how much of an influence he was on my way of viewing people and how to act with those I don’t know that well.

This year I lost my grandfather and for some reason I wasn’t as affected as people expected me to be. He was an amazing man to know. Not only did he experience a lot of things in his life but if you asked him about it he was more than happy to share with you those stories.
I often find it crazy to think that people really have a huge effect on the way I perceive the world around me and how I interact with those around me. To be honest I think that is what stopped me several years ago from having those thought I hope to never have again, but that is for another post and another time.

I hope that this year will be another good one where I successfully make it with a smile yet again. There are thing in my life that I choose to keep to myself but when I feel ready I will open the floodgates and pour out my heart and soul but as for now I will keep contemplating this endeavor that I call my life.

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