A refraction to reaction

Today is just another day. Yes, true but with many variations. This week I’ve been not only on an emotional roller coaster but a somewhat physical journey that I wish to never endure again. Many people who truly know me know I am capable of exposing a lot in such a short amount of time. Just ask many of the customers I’ve had the pleasure of not only meeting but on the rare occasion even befriending them. Becoming a part of my life and family.

Some people may consider that a bad trait. I trust to easily. Trust too much. I guess one of the many downsides of having an extroverted personality. I can come off as a people pleaser. To a certain degree I can see it. I’m not going to lie I do love knowing that people around me are happy even when I’m not.

Still reading?

If so, then welcome to my brain. On the left you will my artistic side. As you can see it is a little chaotic. Sorry for the mess. I seem to neglect that sometimes. I need to change that a little. There you will also find my archive of life moments, words, scenes from my life and images that seem to creep back up or get lost in that stage of chaos.

Hidden in the corner you will find many poetic lines that are just waiting to make their way onto paper. If only I could muster the mental capacity to organize and let it all out. Or I could just buy my mind a refrigerator and some word magnets and see what happens. Either way I would let those words flood the pages of every book I’ve ever owned.

Next to it all is that little monkey that will not leave me alone. I’ll leave it at that. Not much else to really say. I don’t like that monkey. Haven’t for years. Sadly he will always reside there. I could starve him but then that part of me goes with it. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that just yet but it does feel like I’m getting one step closer to it.

On with the tour!

But please tread carefully as we cross from one side of the brain to the other because my mind does often like to have many fantasy creatures lurking and looking nearby.

As you can see this side is a little more organized. Not as chaotic but still a bit of a mess. That little guy walking and pacing back and forth is D. Short for Details but I feel D suits him better. Up next is that giant board in the middle of the room. It’s my logic board. I sometimes have a hard time deciphering what it wants to tell me. I will find that pattern! I will!

Sorry. I tend to get a little obsessive about some things. One being logic the other being strategy. Yeah, I’m sure you’ll find that rational guy in there too but unfortunately he doesn’t always come out to play. I wish he would though. Awesome guy and personality to match.

As you can see I do have a fairly decent library of books. Each of those books is part of a language. Most of those I’ve taught myself. PHP, CSS, guitar, piano, Spanish and English since it is my second speaking language. Yeah, second.

I’m going to have to put a quick stop to this little tour.

A stop now?

Yes. For good reason. I’ve led you to believe that I’m showcasing the inner workings of my brain. Partially true. My brain is filled with most of those things. And more of course. But here is the thing. I had to build that little bit of suspense in order to get your full attention.

And now that I have it I can tell you what I really want to share with you. You remember earlier I said I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster? Part true. It’s been a combination of rollercoaster, tornado and just about every possible disaster you could imagine blended and mixed together into a slurry.

Now that slurry has been force-fed and it is slowly making my stomach churn, tumble and grumble. Hence all the physical pain. But why all the bells and whistles to make a simple point? I know you’re wondering this.

A brief flashback to school

Growing up I wasn’t always the best student. I was smart and gifted but not the best student. I mean yeah I would turn in the assignments, take the tests and show up to class. That’s your average student. A great student worked for it and showed it by not only meeting but exceeding what is expected. I was nothing like that.

I, like many people, just wanted to get it over with. That’s not to say I didn’t learn along the way. Oh, I learned a lot. Most of which is now buried in that abstract painting that is my so-called brain. I laugh when I think about it. I do. I have to. Sort of my coping mechanism if you will.

The reason I bring this up is because in school I learned how to write and how to be a good writer. At least I read how. The actual learning is the doing. It’s the practice. The physical, actual act of writing that I didn’t learn in high school. Why? Honestly, because of a single sin: sloth.

Flash forward a few years

I’m taking an online writing class and I’m not even looking forward to the assignments. I hate writing. I do. At least I did. That was because then I didn’t know what I know now.

Write for a purpose. Write for yourself. Write for your audience.

A little random but true. Before, I never really had a purpose other than school to write. Currently, I have a reason to write for myself but as for my audience it’s just not there yet. One day though.

You see the one thing I learned about writing by writing is to create that initial hook that readers want. Set the bait, wait and watch them all bite. A little odd of an analogy but it’s true. Much like many movies and their previews. You want to build up the excitement but you have to leave them wanting more.

Present status

Now, armed with all that are you still with me? If so, great. I hope I’ve led you on a great story and some insight as to how my brain somewhat functions. If you couldn’t tell I use my left side of my brain more.

If you’re wondering why I’m sharing this it is because a few days ago something changed. I’ll leave it at. So of course I have to react. I’ve talked to friends and even they question how I’m doing so well.

Quite honestly it is because of that left-sidedness and extroverted capacity of mine that has led me this far. In a way my reaction was a refraction. I’m staying on my life’s path I want to take but with a new shift, a new angle and a slightly new perspective.

I’m glad it came to this just not the how.


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