In search of a role model

For years I have always looked and turned to movies and television for advice. Honestly, I have. It does sound a little strange but it is true. Part of that reason being Hollywood always seemed to have an answer. For the most part.

I remember when I was younger I would sit and watch episodes of the Power Rangers with my little sister. Mind you this was back when I was living down in Los Angeles many, many years ago. They showed me what it was to be a friend; or so I thought a friend should be like. I’m not afraid to admit that I loved that show. I would jump with excitement when I knew it would be coming on.

I can recall the nights when ABC’s TGIF lineup consisted of Urkel, the Matthews, the cousin Cody, and had morals. They shared heartfelt stories with thousands of people and at the end of the day they still were a family and loved one another. Yeah, things have changed over the years.

Who hasn’t?

I know I’ve changed over the years. Every so often I look at my yearbooks – the ones I still have – and wonder what happened? I’m not saying I’m sad the way things have turned out. I love my life. I do. Yeah, it’s not exactly what I had imagined when I was younger but I wouldn’t change it for anything else. I really wouldn’t.

I look back at those shows, all the movies I’ve seen, the plays, the books, poems I’ve read and look at the people I grew up with and wonder how they got to this point.

A limit

The reason I say it this way is because recently I noticed and took wonder at something that has been happening a lot lately. I can’t say I haven’t wanted to do this but it has never gotten to that point. I know it never will either. For that I, at least, have Hollywood to thank.

In order to really understand what I really mean you have to look at the people around me.

Model behaviour

Now, what do I mean by that?

What I mean is that for years I used to look up to my parents. They were the example of what, I thought, a happy life was and ought to be.

My dad moved to California. I’ll leave it at that. Honestly, that’s all I ever cared to know and will ever want to know. He chose to have my little sister and my mom to be a part of his life so he helped in flying us to America. After a lot of trying he, clearly, succeeded. I mean I have been living in California for nearly three times as long as I’ve been alive now.

My mom. Oh, my mom. Love her to death. She was always there for me. To show me, guide me and encourage me. I know I don’t always show it but it is true. She’s been a huge part of my life. Good. Bad. You name it. She’s been there.

My little sister will always be that and more. For years I felt like I had to watch over her because it felt like my parents weren’t there. There are times when it did feel like I had failed as an older brother. I’m not going to lie. Being an older sibling is tough.

Jamie. Boy can she drive me up a wall but I love every minute of it. We got married for what feels like ten years ago and have seen our fair share of things over the years. We’ve learned a lot, not only about ourselves but each other over the years. The biggest being that we never really had a model marriage to base our off.

Marriage

Yeah. You read that right. My parents aren’t together. Jamie’s are though. Both have issues but I’d rather not discuss that. I’ll leave it at that. My parents on the other hand were happy, at one point.

Like I’ve said before, things change, people change; life happens.

Our marriage hasn’t been the greatest in the world and I’m not afraid to say it and admit it. This marriage thing is freaking hard! But then again nobody ever really said it would be a walk in the park.

I stated earlier that my parents were what I thought a happy life ought to be like. That part is true. The downside is they chose to end that life. That happy streak. Only they know why. I can only guess. Not really sure I want to though.

The future

As you can see, and read, the role models I had growing up were mixed. The ideal family, for me, was only seen once a week. The ideal marriage was only shown on occasion and I only got a glimpse of that from the real world.

True, that I had school friends that I would talk to about parents but we never really brought up the subject of a relationship. Let alone our parents relationship. It almost felt like a taboo subject in the playground. Call it bad mojo if you will.

But you know what? I’m happy all those things happened between my parents. Without them I wouldn’t want to work hard for my marriage to work. I want to be that role model for my son. I want him to be proud when he tells his friends that his parents are still together and it’s their first and only marriage.

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