That push and pull of my life. For me it happens all too often. One day I’ll feel like I’m on top of the world and then suddenly I can’t seem to get a simple thing right like adding two numbers. It drives me nuts at times because I know it shouldn’t affect me. It does. It really does. I only have myself to blame though.
A lot of it does have to do with me working nights. It does affect my mental state. It hadn’t before; something changed: I have a child. Working nights has slowly taken a toll on my mind that I know I won’t be able to shake away quickly. Depression wants to get its paws around me but I try my best not to let it. There are days when it wins and I wish more than anything in the world that it didn’t.
My moods are erratic and I hate it. When once I was super happy and elated I’m now bitter for no reason. It’s not fair to the people around me. What really sparked this was last week.
Last week I got some needed, yet unpredicted, time off. I had four days off in a row. It was weird. I was a little scared as to what I would do in that timeframe. I hadn’t the slightest idea; super dumbfounded if you will. I relaxed, slept, and spent time with my wife and son. I was happy. Genuinely happy. No fakeness, no sugar-coating, and it was totally worry free. I read up on things I kept putting off and made an attempt to contribute more time to the WordPress support forums when I could.
That mood changed of course. Much like a musical progression of major, major, minor, I, too, felt it mentally. Such a strange feeling coming down to a B flat, minor after feeling like a C major for so long. A lot of that is of course my job. That’s not to say I don’t like what I do. I love what I do. I’m just burned out. I honestly think that it may be time to switch gears.
The last decade I’ve worked customer service. It’s been good; I love it. I’ve loved every minute of it. The downside is that it almost feels like that’s all I’ve ever known and that’s not true. I want to be able to use my knowledge and abilities to their full potential. One of the reasons I wanted to be a Happiness Engineer for Automattic. So, I posted tutorials, guidance and several other types of posts on my self-hosted blog and even reviewed themes when I could.
I realized I love working with WordPress. I love learning new things and new methods. I love teaching them to others just as much. I was told some time ago that you can read my sense of learning in my writing. It’s true. I have always been that way. I love to troubleshoot things. What makes something tick isn’t always good enough for me I have to also know the how and why.
I like to share my findings so other can know as well. If it helps them out: awesome!