Progression and regression

That push and pull of my life. For me it happens all too often. One day I’ll feel like I’m on top of the world and then suddenly I can’t seem to get a simple thing right like adding two numbers. It drives me nuts at times because I know it shouldn’t affect me. It does. It really does. I only have myself to blame though.

A lot of it does have to do with me working nights. It does affect my mental state. It hadn’t before; something changed: I have a child. Working nights has slowly taken a toll on my mind that I know I won’t be able to shake away quickly. Depression wants to get its paws around me but I try my best not to let it. There are days when it wins and I wish more than anything in the world that it didn’t.

My moods are erratic and I hate it. When once I was super happy and elated I’m now bitter for no reason. It’s not fair to the people around me. What really sparked this was last week.

Last week I got some needed, yet unpredicted, time off. I had four days off in a row. It was weird. I was a little scared as to what I would do in that timeframe. I hadn’t the slightest idea; super dumbfounded if you will. I relaxed, slept, and spent time with my wife and son. I was happy. Genuinely happy. No fakeness, no sugar-coating, and it was totally worry free. I read up on things I kept putting off and made an attempt to contribute more time to the WordPress support forums when I could.

That mood changed of course. Much like a musical progression of major, major, minor, I, too, felt it mentally. Such a strange feeling coming down to a B flat, minor after feeling like a C major for so long. A lot of that is of course my job. That’s not to say I don’t like what I do. I love what I do. I’m just burned out. I honestly think that it may be time to switch gears.

The last decade I’ve worked customer service. It’s been good; I love it. I’ve loved every minute of it. The downside is that it almost feels like that’s all I’ve ever known and that’s not true. I want to be able to use my knowledge and abilities to their full potential. One of the reasons I wanted to be a Happiness Engineer for Automattic. So, I posted tutorials, guidance and several other types of posts on my self-hosted blog and even reviewed themes when I could.

I realized I love working with WordPress. I love learning new things and new methods. I love teaching them to others just as much. I was told some time ago that you can read my sense of learning in my writing. It’s true. I have always been that way. I love to troubleshoot things. What makes something tick isn’t always good enough for me I have to also know the how and why.

I like to share my findings so other can know as well. If it helps them out: awesome!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s