A life of ups and downs

Not entirely odd for me to say that life has its ups and downs.

It does. We all experience good things in our lives and the tragic. You could say it balances out; for every bump in the road there is a pothole, or dip.

There are times when I stop to think about how my life is. Yes, it does sound a little odd stating it that way but it’s true. My life is the way it is because of the choices I’ve made. A path, a river, a light, a random object I’ve followed that has led me to where I am today all because of the way I think and choose.

And you know what? It’s amazing. It does amaze me. One choice can truly alter the rest of your life and can lead you through a dangerous path. Unfortunately it does happen. It truly and honestly brings a tear to my eyes to think about that. The people inΒ my life that have been effected by their choices.

I know I don’t have the ability, or even, the power to control their lives. There are times I wish I did. It hurts to know I can’t be with them; to laugh, to smile, joke, harass and be harassed by them, it’s just not the same without them physically being there. No matter how hard you try it’s just not the same. It never will be.

It hurts.

It really does hurt. Emotionally at first and mentally nanoseconds shortly after. It’s a kind of one-two punch to the gut. Takes your breath away and leaves you wondering what just happened.

The amazing thing is that even when I’m feeling down I somehow manage to find that little bit of strength to pull myself back up again. I think a lot of it is because I often hate being the Debbie Downer. I do like to think positive. At least I try to. It’s not easy after years of working nights and retail/customer service. It drains you. A lot of that is because I need a change of pace and scenery. Thankfully I’ve been thinking more and more about how to change that and it’s made me happier.

I’m slowly, but surely, making progress. All about baby steps at first.

I just can’t wait to see what these choices hold for me down the road.

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