When you lose a hero

The other day I went to my friend’s son’s birthday party. It was super hero themed. It was awesome; we had fun and there was good company and good food.

I could see the pain in his eyes when I walked over to ask my usual round of questions when I haven’t seen a friend in a long time. You see, recently he lost his mom. One of his heroes. I got a chance to meet her once but never truly knew her. The photo he shared is a sentiment and an everlasting glimpse of their relationship. It devastated him. You can see it, you can sense it.

The pain, the anguish, the emotions twirling, swirling and crashing in his mind. No control. Just chaos. Sheer and utter chaos. The thought of losing a friend can break a heart but the thought of losing a family member is unfathomable. You can compare stories, share experiences but it doesn’t change the fact that person will never be the same; like a pebble in a pond.

We all take things differently. Life has this tendency to knock us down and keep us pinned under a rock. There are some that feel the need to keep holding on to the rock and carry it everywhere they go but some will find a way to push the rock and keep going through life. The strange thing is I often find myself wanting to help those under the rock so they can carry on with their happy lives.

Yes, many will find that really strange and most of my co-workers would be shocked to hear that as well. Over the years I am becoming more and more cynical and on-edge. I guess you could argue I just need to take a break. Maybe I do. I don’t know. All I know is I like, and want, to see people smile.

Loss, any loss, damages the soul. It hurts in ways we can’t see. It disables and hinders our way of thinking at times. Over the last two decades I’ve lost a handful of people in my life. One of the first was a close friend that I met when I worked at Plutos. I got a text from his cell phone saying his funeral was on the Saturday coming up. It didn’t hit me at first because I was at work. I asked to take a ten minute break and once I got out that sledge-hammer blow to my gut suddenly became real.

The next person I lost was my grandfather followed by my grandmother and cousin. Not back to back but it did feel like it at one point. It sucks knowing I can’t visit them, laugh with them or joke with them. To a degree they were heroes. To me at least; in some form or another.

The thing is we are all going to lose a person we hold dear to our hearts. Some sooner than others. How we choose to commemorate and celebrate them is what really matters though. So this goes out to the heroes in my life, for showing me and teaching me that life will knock me down, life will kick me and beat me but I will always get back up, dust myself off and keep walking knowing that the people in my life love and care about me.

Thank you

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