Things left unsaid

I’ve been married for what feels like twenty years. Okay, not really but it does feel that way. We’ve both had our ups and downs, good and bad. It hasn’t been easy; then again, nobody ever said marriage ever was. It does take work from both.

For me it takes more. See, I don’t always say things. You would think I would but I don’t always. Yes, I share a lot at times but I don’t always do it right away. Yes, I put some off, bottle it up, or just don’t bother. It obviously isn’t good. For me or those around me.

I’ve been this way for years. Strange thing is that I go through my moments. Random cycles. It is super strange to say that. Even stranger saying it out loud.

One of the few things I rarely say is that I freaking love being a dad. I have my moments when I just want to leave and never come back but then what type of person would that make me? I don’t have the heart. Don’t think I ever will.

The other is that I love being married. Knowing that I have a friend to share the rest of my life with is an amazing thing. It’s very rare nowadays. More and more I see on my friend list people breaking up, getting divorced, feuding and bickering over little things. Tearing apart and now working to resolve the issue or issues that caused that tear.

I’m guilty of it at times. Yes. I am human. I will make mistakes, I have made mistakes, and I have learned from those mistakes. It is because of those mistakes that I cherish and love what Jamie and I have more. I know we are aren’t always a great model for an amazing marriage but I do want to show SJ that things are not always easy and that love does exist and it can happen.

It’s not always easy for either of us. I know Jamie struggles with her own psychological demons as I do at times and that is why I love being with her. She supports me and I support her through it. It is a journey we both chose to embark upon and I have loved it ever since.

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