That time I thought about those things in my head

I will begin this off by simply stating that it has been a long time since I published a thing on this blog. The last time I wrote something out was back in September. I still have about three other drafts waiting to be finished. It’s not that I’m slacking, I just haven’t wanted to write.

I can’t really explain it. It throws me off a little because I like to jot down my emotions, my thoughts, and some of my rationalizations – or lack there of at times; but yes, it does help me stay borderline sane and happy. Ultimately, that is what should matter, right? My happiness.

The other day I did a bit of an experiment. I stepped away from my computer and closed twitter, Slack, and Facebook from my phone. I didn’t check in, I didn’t bother looking at social media for the entire day. I didn’t even hop on the forums or do a theme review. It was strange. It didn’t feel right to me.

I felt unclean.

Okay, does sound a little odd to say it that way but it is true. I wasn’t happy by the end of the day. It wasn’t because I closed my connection to friends, but because I wasn’t helping others. That was what really got me all in a funk. I know some people may not understand what it feels like to know you’ve made not only one person’s day, but tens, hundreds, or even thousands of people, by sharing some random bit of information or the little knowledge you have.

These last couple of weeks have been hard for me. I know it does sound strange because I try to think positive about it all. It does remind of something I saw a few days ago.

Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely person

Yeah. At least it can feel that way. I know there are times when I feel that way. The last three weeks there were times when I felt like I was alone. I know I wasn’t and I know I’m not, but my mind does seem to like to play tricks on me. Darn joker side of my brain. I can’t seem to turn it off.

Really though. I can’t step away from forums. I love helping however I can. It will always be a part of who I am. I know that is one thing I will be super happy to pass on to SJ as he gets older.

It’s not an easy thing to teach. It sounds simple enough, right? Share your knowledge and people learn. That’s not always the case. It really is easier said than done. I’m off on a little tangent so I’ll leave it at this: I need to help others to be happy.


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